Ramblings By A Jerk

Omg, I told my fellow Open Micer that I saw his cat video in a viral GIF set post on Tumblr, and he had NO idea about it. Awesome.

pujuu:

occupation: struggling tumblr comedian

dudes: "all men watch porn just get used to it"
dudes: "men just have stronger sex drives than women, its just biology"
dudes: "we can't help objectifying women, its in our dna"
feminists: "rape happens a lot in our society and most are perpetrated by men, towards women, and i can't tell the difference between safe men and dangerous men just by looking so i tend to be wary of men sometimes"
dudes: "NOW WAIT JUST A FUCKIN SECOND HOW CAN YOU GENERALIZE ALL MEN THATS SO UNFAIR"

*meet someone new*

*they add you on Facebook that night*

Next day: “What was your name again?”

Oh, you know my fucking name.

calibornsbottomwhore:

im so angry the next generations will probably have virtual reality and alien contact and we have republicans and windows 8

My phone wouldn’t let me take a picture with flash because the battery was low. I feel like my phone should be letting me make any stupid decision I want because it’s my phone. Are you going to turn off my camera whenever I want to take a dick pic? Are you going to auto-dial my mom’s number when I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks? Are you going to call the suicide hotline when I accidentally send my mom a dick pic? When does this end, phone?

winksaremykryptonite:

Internet winners of the day. The end.

winksaremykryptonite:

Internet winners of the day. The end.

god killed himself because he made us
Lint

explosions-of-glitter:

my bff got rejected by zelda

My bff made me into a Mii

I HATE when girls swear

redlippedladyofrohan:

bellecosby:

snarftheconquerer:

It hurts. Hearing a cute voice say such fowl things. It makes me sad.. If you want make me sad be a girl and swear..

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I lost a stand up contest, but it was probably at my best, so no regrets. I probably lost cause I’m disgusting.

murphels:

murphels:

men are the whiniest shitbabies my god, i don’t know how women ever got to be labeled as the overly emotional ones when guys can’t go five minutes without complaining about the most inconsequential shit ever

WTF THIS POST DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TITS

just-a-gay-bitch:

one time my friend started dating this anti-gay, pro-life conservative boy and she made him liberal but now he’s gay so it sort of backfired except not for me cause i gave him a blowjob