I sometimes pull the cord on people in comas. Its less of a political thing, and...
That’s the downside for doing something good for the sake of everyone:...
homopotamus: ohblainers: I like shooting down Murphy’s hopes and dreams. You’re just like my dad. LAWSUIT
No one at work appreciates the sexy poses I do for no apparent reason. I’ll lean back on the counters. Sprawl out on a table. Kneel over on couches. This is getting ridiculous.
homopotamus: squidkitten: homopotamus replied to your post: joemoeschmoe replied to your post: YOU BEAT TEEN… allow me to watch i’ll allow you to join that’s what i like to hear You’re all sick, twisted perverts.
I have to share the story behind the Field of...
My roommate/co-worker/online friend at the time, Korp, was freaking out about something. He was legit freaking out over Ventrilo with the entire gaming crew on. I can’t remember over what. I had never heard him panic before, so I was trying to think of a way to calm him down. The only thing that came to mind was “He likes PENISES!” So I got into this soothing voice where I said...
The newest thing for one's lady bits: Feathers and...
iheartchaos: Vajazzling is so 2011. This year, for those who are looking to get adventurous in decorating their lady bits, it’s all about gluing on feathers and fur. And dried macaroni and glitter. No, the dried macaroni and glitter will be next year. Read More FINALLY! I need to do something manly for my own pube area. I’m thinking flannel.
Things That Make Me Look Like An Idiot
Automatic faucets, hand towel/soap dispensers, hand dryers Wind Asking me the day/date Customers Jar tops Tax forms TV remotes Cell phones Mirrors
I found a really really great sexuality test. Post... →
justremovethearrow: whenindoubtapplymoreglitter: captaincavegirl: ruiniscrazy: drwhom: boys-should-kiss-boys-more: kidachan: itsonyoufuckingcunts: pandacolfer: burtkas: You scored 40 Heterosexuality, 30 Homosexuality, and 24 Asexuality! You scored 84 Heterosexuality, 11 Homosexuality, and 22 Asexuality! You scored 58 Heterosexuality, 30 Homosexuality, and 25 Asexuality! ...
I just met a drug runner. He looked like Justin Beiber. It was weird.
adventures in porno planning with jenna and josh
justremovethearrow: Read More
justremovethearrow replied to your post: Whenever a porn vid refers to a girl as a bitch,… remember when we planned out a porno? I need to find that Skype log. it can included super respectful terms to address the laydeez. Yeeees. Truth be told, I’m being mostly serious about wanting to make porn. I think I could really direct awesome stuff. But my parents are still alive, soooo. If...
Whenever a porn vid refers to a girl as a bitch, bimbo, etc, I get offended on the girl’s behalf. Is that normal? Can’t we be more respectable with our porn actors? “Some Lovely Lady Gets Fucked, While Being Mutually Respected” That’s the kind of porn I want to direct.
JoeSchmoe4Ever: JUST DON'T WANT TO WORK ANYMORE
JoeSchmoe4Ever: TYLER IS UPSET BECAUSE I WASN'T EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW TABLES
JoeSchmoe4Ever: AND I WAS LIKE "THEY'RE TABLES AND I HAVE TO WORK TO DO"
JoeSchmoe4Ever: BUT HE MOPED ALL DAY
jessicaaalert: tell him to get over it
JoeSchmoe4Ever: HE SAT BEHIND ME FOR AN HOUR
JoeSchmoe4Ever: AND MADE A SAD FACE
JoeSchmoe4Ever: AND HE KEPT ASKING KORP IF HE DID SOMETHING WRONG
JoeSchmoe4Ever: WE MIGHT BE DATING
Beauty and the Beast is the perfect movie date.– My cousin, who had never seen Beauty and the Beast.
explosions-of-glitter asked: bitch
I really want to go to Chuck E Cheese, and act like a music douchebag to the kid sitting next to me. “Yeah, I saw these guys back in 96, before they hit it big. Their first album was way better because they didn’t use autotune. Chuck really knew how to rock, before they sold out.”
Etta James →
In real life, little about James was as genteel as that song. The platinum blonde’s first hit was a saucy R&B number about sex, and she was known as a hell-raiser who had tempestuous relationships with her family, her men and the music industry. Then she spent years battling a drug addiction that she admitted sapped away at her great talents. In other words, she was one of...
burymyvices: omg i am such an idiot sometimes Right there with you tonight, sister. We should hang out.
explosions-of-glitter asked: JK
I swear to god we sometimes are normal
JoeSchmoe4Ever: JUST BE LIKE
JoeSchmoe4Ever: "I'M GOING TO JERK YOU OFF INTO MY FACE"
JoeSchmoe4Ever: THAT'S PRETTY HOT
jessicaaalert: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM PLAYING WHEEL OF FORTUNE AND I KNOW THE ANSWER BUT IT ISNT MY TUUUURN
JoeSchmoe4Ever: PRETTY SURE THIS MILK IS EXPIRED BUT I'M THIRSTY
JoeSchmoe4Ever: I GUESS WE ARE ALL HAVING PROBLEMS
Whenever my employer’s mom invites me to her house, I always assume its for sex. Not because I actually think its for sex, but because I watch a lot of porn, and that’s usually how it goes.
This conversation is actually happening right now:
Karl: I just had an amazing hour.
Me: Oh yeah?
Karl: Yeah. I made an online friend.
Me: Oh yeaaaah?
Karl: Yep. He's a Jedi. His name is Bulbasaur.
Me: Oh wow.
Karl: Yeah, we played together for half an hour. I sent him a friend request, and he ACCEPTED!
Me: This is serious.
Karl: Yep. And now I'm a higher level than Shawn.
This actually happened:
*group of friends playing D&D* Guy: *proposes to his girlfriend* Girl: Of course I’ll marry you! Friends: YAY! Omg, lets set up the bachelor party, and the wedding, and its going to be great! *30 minute later* Girl: Wait… Was that not… part of the game…?
“Remember that awful thing that happened to you?” “Yeah, I try not to think about it.” “I’m going to remind you everyday.” “Oh.”
Josh wants you to write fic about us.
justremovethearrow: homopotamus: And Go Josh’s weeping cock sank into Summer’s cavern as he mashed her love pillows, leaving bruises. “Do you want to play Zelda later” she asked. Josh came instantly at the feeling of her breathy voice in his ear “Yes” he whispered. “Always.”
Animals are homeless.
burymyvices asked: what if it was me that called you the tool
burymyvices asked: summer says she misses you and also that you're a tool
Dating advice, Josh style
Josh: You ask boys you like if you can borrow some semen
Josh: And if that doesn't get you laid
Josh: THEN you can yell at me
Josh: Just say it's for science
Josh: Anyone can get me to do anything if they say "It's for science"
Josh: Because who doesn't want to help science?
Fun fact. When you Google my name, this is the first result.
I want to stop talking.
"My wife wants to know if you guys like her."
"I'd fuck her."
Hey baby, want to get penetrated by the Dirty Needle?– Worst nickname for a penis
Somebody stole my debit card info and bought 300 dollars worth of fireworks. You got style, kid. Kudos!