The day daddy was dead… It was the happiest day. I was so happy....
I tried to make an emo playlist for my emo mood, and I failed. I failed so hard. http://bit.ly/Huh5JC#YTPlaylist.com
sherlockholmefries replied to your post: *awkward small talk with a friend* *friendship… wait. you mean HIS relationship right? Haha, I meant the friendship with the person I was talking to, but I worded it awfully.
*awkward small talk with a friend* *friendship going no where* *subject of sex comes up* *bonding and hour long conversations follow*
I found a feature on my phone where I can Search...
These are some of the texts that come up when I searched “Maybe” If anyone else has some words for me to try, shoot me an Ask. “Maybe you could tell me more about it, and take that itchy shirt off.” “Haha. Or maybe tie you up, and force feed you chocolate. Or hide jewlery in a dead body.” “Maybe next time, Kid. I could use a sandwich, btw.” ...
“Judas, what are you doing?!” “I’m having an extinction burst!” “What?!” “Oh god, it is awful. It’s when a previous learned behavior becomes irrelevant, so I keep doing the irrelevant learned behavior anyway until I realize it’s irrelevant and I calm the fuck down!” “What?!” “I stopped killing people so...
Someone on Facebook is upset because someone in school called her ten year old daughter a bitch, and the bad person in me wants to comment “Well, did you tell her to stop being a bitch?”
sherlockholmefries: bisexualneverromantic: sherlockholmefries: There is a difference between a joke and just fucked up statements. Please learn how they differ. Jesus Christ. I know right? That comment made about Will Schuester hating cheese was super offensive everyone is a comedian, lovely Your face is a comedian.
Me: "Okay, I'm staying home. Fuck it. I'm in a shit mood. What do people do when they're in a shit mood? My bad moods usually last for an hour, but I don't know what to do during them."
Karl: "They only last for an hour? What the fuck. I'm always in a bad mood, so I'm the worst person to ask. I'm still mad some bitch stole my crayon in the third grade."
I had a dream about Russell Crowe. He was a dick and a Minecraft fanatic.
the awkward moment when you stay up to talk to...
#this is not passive aggressive #:) I WAS HAVING AN EMERGENCY
Happy Anniversary, Josh!
sherlockholmefries: It’s been a trip. Now get over here and put that dick to good use. NO! MY DICK CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT
burymyvices asked: i just need more, josh. more that you can't give me.
The United States of America on college education
Student: I'm not going to go to college because I don't want to go into debt.
USA: YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT. YOU'RE GOING TO AMOUNT TO NOTHING YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG. YOU'RE THE REASON WHY MY TAXES ARE SO HIGH.
Student: I'm just going to attend a small community college instead.
USA: HAHAHA YOU WERE TOO STUPID TO GET INTO A GOOD UNIVERSITY. ENJOY YOUR MCDONALD'S DIPLOMA.
Student: I attended a four year university and received a diploma in a field I am interested in. Now I am $50,000+ in debt.
USA: YOU DUMBASS. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GO TO COLLEGE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU COULDN'T AFFORD IT? YOU DIDN'T EVEN CHOOSE A USEFUL MAJOR EITHER. GOD PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE ME SICK.
hatred crayon: you are such a dildo
JoeSchmoe4Ever: Ahahaha, why?
hatred crayon: because you made it look like i was talking about your dick out of nowhere haha
hatred crayon: your pizza dick
JoeSchmoe4Ever: Is there something wrong with thinking about my dick?
JoeSchmoe4Ever: What's wrong with my dick?
hatred crayon: ~it's too big~
JoeSchmoe4Ever: I know at least two girls
JoeSchmoe4Ever: Who think its an okay dick
hatred crayon: and several dudes
JoeSchmoe4Ever: Name ONE DUDE
hatred crayon: your roommate
JoeSchmoe4Ever: He knows nothing of my dick.
hatred crayon: hahahaha okay sure
JoeSchmoe4Ever: SHUT UP
Judas fires his first shot, and it hits the floor to the right of the hostage’s head. Everyone covers their ears while some yell in agony. “Oops. Wow. That’s embarrassing. Dude, you didn’t even flinch. Kudos to you!” He fires a second shot, and it hits a spot above the hostage’s head. “Really?! Wow. Okay. Look, I’m trying to hurry this up. We all got places to be.” Judas fires a third shot, and it...
We invented ‘Sexy Second Hand Smoking’ where she inhales, then...– Cousin Karl
m-a-d-h-a-u-s asked: u get what u pay 4
Don't call me when I'm sleeping.
Karl: I just met the girl of my dreams! She looks like Kirsten Dunst!
Me: She what?!
Karl: She looks like Kirsten Dunst!
Me: OH! I thought you said she lives in Dunkin Donuts.
I’m listening to Alanis Morissette while writing a hostage scene.
I just spelled PENIS in a Words With Friends game with my mother.
sherlockholmefries: sherlockholmefries: ohblainers: I know Murphy’s wireless connection just sucks but every time she ignores me on AIM and then signs off I choose to believe she doesn’t love me. >:| OH SHUT UP JOSH
sherlockholmefries: ohblainers: I know Murphy’s wireless connection just sucks but every time she ignores me on AIM and then signs off I choose to believe she doesn’t love me. >:|
I told my cousin about Michael Bay’s Alien Ninja Turtles. He threw down the phone and started screaming.
supey: think about it - you have a whole mouth. you could put so many chicken nuggets in there. four, or maybe seven. live it up
Oh god, trying to teach myself how to tie a tie. It is going about as well as you’d expect. Tempted to YouTube it.
First look at Green Arrow in the CW 'Arrow' pilot
iheartchaos: The CW just released the first image of actor Stephen Amell in the Green Arrow outfit for the upcoming ‘Arrow’ pilot. While CW has a track record of some pretty awful shows, I’m hoping Arrow won’t be a total pile. Read More
rockonscubatron: thisismyotherface replied to your post: Josh. His penis? Now I feel left out yes No one is ever this excited to see my penis.
rockonscubatron: Josh it’s lovely thank you
I’m almost a week into quitting soda, but the lack of other drinks I like are killing me. I might start drinking booze. Oh god, quitting soda has led me into alcoholism.
squidkitten asked: I BBET YOU BET
tinctures asked: trigger warning: your boss' dick
explosions-of-glitter asked: trigger warning: youre a dick
My At Work Convos
Boss: Joe, you look different.
Me: How so?
Boss: I don't know... I can't figure it out.
Me: Well what is it?
Boss: I don't know... Are you happy?
Boss: I think you're happy!
Boss: Oh my god, that's what it is. You're happy!
Me: Why would I be happy?!
Boss: I don't know, but you're smiling!
Me: I don't need your lying bullshit right now.
reblog if your icon is a sex god from the high...
Anonymous asked: FUCK THE AUTOPLAY SHIT ON YOUR TUMBLR
hatred crayon: ITS LEGOS
JoeSchmoe4Ever: LEGOS IS LIFE
hatred crayon: the legos will accept you
JoeSchmoe4Ever: NO, I'M GOING TO LOOK STUPID IN FRONT OF LEGOS
Go on Anonymous and tell me one thing you've been...
#unless you’re josh Omg Supes, you’re a dick.