June 2012
97 posts
rockonscubatron:
joemoeschmoe replied to your post: joemoeschmoe replied to your photo: paper cuts are…
I am so pleased with life.
just reminder that i always win
Summer (11:25:53 PM): that fucking picture you look like such a toolbox
JoeSchmoe4Ever (11:25:58 PM): Ahahaha JoeSchmoe4Ever (11:26:06 PM): OR DO I LOOK SEXY AS HELL Summer (11:26:17 PM): I STAND BY MY WORDCHOICE
1 tag
This made me laugh way harder than it should have
Summer: brad is trying to save money
Summer: to come for the weekend
JoeSchmoe4Ever: Is Brad another one that I hate
Summer: she's the one i'm engaged to
JoeSchmoe4Ever: THEN YES
Summer: to be fair Josh
Summer: she asked me
Summer: and you haven't
Summer: so i mean
Summer: what do you want from me
JoeSchmoe4Ever: I got things to do
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“So, was that you coming out of the closet?”
– That thing someone said to me after my stand up routine explaining how people think I’m gay for stupid reasons
May 2012
64 posts
homopotamus:
joemoeschmoe:
homopotamus:
dear josh,
at some point we’re going to the science museum. deal with it.
love, murphs
DEAR ASSHOLE,
NOPE! And you’re single!
Love, Joshua
Dear Douchebag,
Fine. I’ll just spend the week macking it with the other hunnies I’m rooming with.
Love, Murphs
PS: I’ve been faking them all for the past 4 years.
Dear Lesbian, I’m glad...
homopotamus:
dear josh,
at some point we’re going to the science museum. deal with it.
love, murphs
DEAR ASSHOLE, NOPE! And you’re single! Love, Joshua
2 tags
Why Loki Won The Avengers →
so guess who's going to probably be meeting aud...
squidkitten:
homopotamus:
gonna puke???
I bet.
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“Maybe I should get a tramp stamp of a rainbow vagina.”
– I’m going to try to end my routine with this tomorrow
4 tags
rockonscubatron:
genest replied to your post: genest replied to your photo: i used to french…
gOD
r u there goD? its ME, BoOBs
1 tag
I have a pet peeve when people on Tumblr are like “Ew I’m fugly” and I’m like “I’d fuck you” and they’re like “No you wouldn’t.”
Hey. Don’t tell me what my penis goes hard for. My boner knows what it likes.
This is the most awkward thing ever. I am four hours late to work and counting because I’m stuck at my boss’s house. He’s my ride and won’t wake up. Oh god.
1 tag
plaidkind:
i’m really sad i apparently missed out on a big lefty/righty debate the other night because i’m left handed and proud and all you rightys can suck it, we’re better at mirroring actions and tend to have more control over our non-dominant hand than rightys because we have to learn to use it thanks to DISCRIMINATION
Hey, I’m a Righty, but I’ve fought really hard for Left...
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I clicked on someone’s photo on Facebook to send them an Ask.
Fuck.
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My unconscious dream mind is the most boring writer when it comes to dialogue.
Me: SIMON CAN YOU SAVE THE WORLD REAL QUICK
Simon: no
Me: WHAT WHY PLEASE
Simon: ok
Then I woke up.
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3 tags
At first, I was upset because I’ll probably have to pay a late fee for my rented college books.
But then I thought “But it’s okay! Because it will help stimulate the economy!”
Fuck. The Republicans have won.
9 tags
Finding comedians on Tumblr is hard.
The tag “Stand Up” keeps giving me One Direction videos.
The tag “Open mic” gives me guitar players.
2 tags
nosdrinker:
What a relief! All the women I have slept with are against patriarchy!
2 tags
Pros and Cons about my stand up today:
Pros-
Nailed it.
Got invited to perform at another club in St. Louis.
Cons-
If my boss asks why I didn’t mention the computer store one more time, he’s getting a fork in his dick.
Goofy is the only classic Disney character who has...
detectivenigma:
catbountry:
artninja-mcrockviking:
Mickey has nephews, Donald has nephews, Goofy has a son.
And he wasn’t adopted, he looks just like him.
Goofy……has had sex. Goofy…..has known a woman biblically….
Imagine what it must’ve looked like. Imagine what it sounded like.
These are the things I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat.
Hyuk...
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My crude humor does a lot of things to a lot of people.
Never, in my wildest nightmares, did I imagine that would happen.
DC Comics is set to change the sexual orientation...
iheartchaos:
Right now, the highest profile gay comic book character is probably Batwoman. But inspired by President Obama’s stance on gay marriage, DC has announced that they’ll be dragging a major “established character” out of the closet. Who is it? Let the speculation begin.
Read More
Hmmmmm….
“If I had a clone, I’d fuck it.”
– My brother.
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Can someone tell me what this website is, and why... →
I mean, what? Anyone? WHAT IS THIS?
Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
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My second attempt at stand up went well. The stress though… I feel like a god damn truck has run me over. But I’m happy at the same time.
charlesherbertbest:
The US is too fucking big.
I wish I had that problem. HEYO! But seriously folks.
Watchrockonscubatron:
sadstatue:
First trailer for Revolution, the new post -apocalyptic show from J.J. Abrams and Supernatural’s Eric Kripke
dear god this is going to to be the greatest fucking show of all time dO YOU UNDERSTAND
JOHN FAVREAU, ERIC KRIPKE, J J ABRAMS
POST APOCALYPTIC MILITIAS
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
I fucking dare you to make a comment and you are...
rockonscubatron:
previouslysane:
ronswansoning:
tequierocastiel:
masterwho:
kowka:
moshimoshimannipplesdesu:
wow hi i’m vic and i acceidentally reblogged this autoatically fucking missing e omfg cries
lol you guys must be really unslkilled lolakosado FUCK
hi im kathleen i don’t make typos sa lot except there wow fuck mu life god damint GOD DAMITYN GAOD
youre a big fat gay...
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Watchrockonscubatron:
Jenna gets a picture message from Josh and decides we should all open it together!
"Hey Joe! How's that comedy going?"
"Eh, I gave it up."
"Good! You sucked!"
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Goth Jew! GOTH JEW!
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JoeSchmoe4Ever: Dooo mee and relieve my stress, haha
Summer: dude trust me
Summer: I would
JoeSchmoe4Ever: Or come here and get a place with me or something
Summer: If I wasn't like, a lynch pin in my family right now
Summer: I'd try
Summer: Dad is moving out of Grace's soon
Summer: to live by himself
JoeSchmoe4Ever: Pfff, what's so great about those guys. They can't dick you like I can
Summer: ~
Summer: That's
Summer: Very true
Summer: I guess
Summer: God you're fucking weird
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Watchrockonscubatron:
this cold is making me distraught
This is the audition to play me in my biography. You just got the part.